I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am one with the molecules
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
