you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize