so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
