When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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