i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
