Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
