the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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