I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
