they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize