My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
