I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
