Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
