Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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