people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
sarcasm needs its own font
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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