I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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