So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
