Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
