"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
