so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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