I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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