The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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