I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
