He uses pillows to masturbate.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize