well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
