Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
