so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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