4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
