Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
