you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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