woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
