i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
