If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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