Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize