worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
