I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
