38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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