I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
