I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
