Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize