There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
