my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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