I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
