i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
