Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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