why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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