remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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