You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
