dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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