I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
