My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize