Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
