were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize