She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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