i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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