Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
