Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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