normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize