Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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