my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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