Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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