My cat gives me a boner
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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