If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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