You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
