Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
