Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
