I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize