We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
